Accepting Reality: Happily Ever After (continued).

Note: In order to get a better understanding of what is being said here, please do read the first part of this post over here. Also it is highly recommended to practice cultivating silence as mentioned here.

Does this mean we accept everything? Even if there is injustice or physical abuse going on?

Yes.

Accepting a situation does not mean we become a door mat.

Accepting means we see what is happening without attaching a mind story to it.

When we can clearly see what is going on... when we see the reality of the situation... we can then make a decision about what the next step should be based on reality rather than on emotions.

So, if this is the reality: “My husband yells at me and physically hurts me.”

The Mind Stories might be:

>"He should not hit me."

>"I deserve to be hit because I don't meet up to his expectations."

>"He needs to vent his anger."

What is the reality? You are getting beaten. When you drop the mind stories around this reality, you can take the next step which can be removing yourself from the situation... or contacting the cops... or seeking help from a shelter... or calling the abuse hotline.

Please remember, although it is hard to see when we are run by mind stories, the mind really does not know what can happen. The mind story can keep us afraid and feeling like a doormat for a long time. Calling for help does not mean your spouse has to find out; the people dealing with the victims are trained to be discreet and will give you good advice on what can be done.

However as long as we are caught up in our mind story of "I cannot do this" or "I deserve this", or "life will fall apart if I take the next step" or "I just have to bear it and things will get better" or "he will find out and things will get worse"... you will just suffer, not only from the violence, but also with the fear that the mind stories are keeping in place. Not only are you suffering physically …you are killing yourself mentally and emotionally.

A few other examples:

>"My partner should not leave me.”

Look at what the reality is. Our partner has decided to move on. Look at all the stories that are holding us back and keeping us sad. Life is moving on but we are caught up in a mind story of what a relationship should be, and we beat ourselves up when things don't go as per the mind stories we made up on how life should be. We have our definition of unconditional loving, and all of that revolves around how our mind stories define loving. If we let go the mind story of how our partner should treat us, and accept what is going on... we can be free this minute.

If we still want to try and make things work out in our relationship, we can then, from a place of acceptance, go forward with therapy or counseling. If it does not work out, or if our partner is not willing to try along with us, it is best to accept and move on, rather than cling onto a mind story that we created based on memory and imagination, and which only causes suffering in the present.

>"Our children should respect us."

Again, look at the reality of how our children are treating us. Maybe because they are teenagers, and have not yet found their place in life, they are at an awkward age and unclear on how to relate to almost everyone, including their parents. They are no longer children and they are not yet adults. They are confused. Or maybe they never did learn to respect, because we as parents never showed them any respect. Accepting children as they are and showing them unconditional loving will help them get over the confusing phase that can go with certain parts of their teenage years, and respect us even more than they otherwise would, once they are out of this phase.

However, our mind stories have defined what the behavior of children should be like... and we are sad and disappointed and angry because they don't fit into that mind story. Accepting what is … accepting reality … will help us drop the mind story, and will help us operate from a place of clarity. From this place of clarity we can take further steps of talking to our children, showing them unconditional loving, and offering loving guidance. When we talk to them with our mind story of “expected behavior” in place, we are not listening to what they are saying nor are we working with the reality of the situation. However, when we drop the mind story of “acceptable behaviors”, we actually have a wonderful chance of getting closer to our children. Even the most rebellious kids just want to feel that someone is on their side, no matter what. If that “someone” is us, and they know it, they won’t shut us out, and we’ll be able to offer them input and guidance. (read more about this here).

>"Our children should take care of us when we get old",

Or

> "Our children should give us more time/visit us more often."

What’s the reality? Our children are not taking care of us. Can we change this? Our mind stories have defined what our old age should look like. But even after spending all our lives seeing how things never go according to the plans of the mind stories, we are still disappointed because our life this moment is not the way our mind story defined it should be.

When will this stop? When will we actually be happy? As a child we look forward to being out of school, working, having our own money. Then we say we will be happy when we have a partner, then kids, then kids settle down, then grand kids, then... we finally rest when we are in our grave. If we can accept reality this moment, if we can let go the hold on the mind stories and accept reality right now... we can be completely fulfilled right here, right now... not somewhere “out there” in the future.

Helpful website:　

National Domestic Violence Hotline: http://www.ndvh.org/

National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.