Happiness: Just A Thought Away?

Most of us have grown up in a culture where we look outward for happiness. This is something we have picked up since we were children. We did things that would please people around us... so we got praise and approval from others. We grow up learning that in order to be happy, we need certain things... we need to be the best at something, we must have a big house, a job, money, partner, kids, etc. Our happiness is always “somewhere out there”, tied to getting something, or somewhere.

This results in us spending most of our lives trying to change things around us, in order to be happy. If we are not happy, we think it is because something is not going the way we want it to, or that someone is not behaving the way we need them to.

When we live at home growing up, we are dying to get out and live on our own... find our independence. Then we need to find a job. Then we need to get out of the apartment we are sharing because we hate out roommates. Then we need more money to afford the new apartment. Then, we decide we are lonely; we need a partner. It would be great if we had kids, and a house, and a yard, and a dog. 


Then we have all those things … and we think we are overwhelmed and we need a break ... we need a vacation. We dream of that perfect vacation at the beautiful beach we see in those brochures, where we can relax. We end up at the exact same beach, from the beautiful brochures. Ahhh now to relax. How long do we really enjoy, though? When we’re on our vacation … we are already back at work and home, thinking of all the catching up we will have to do, and the friends we have to call … and the stories we have to tell. We take many pictures to capture the beauty because we cannot enjoy the beach right now, but when back home we can look at those pictures, and enjoy the vacation then!

So other than the few minutes of joy we experience when we do get something we really want, are we really happy? And if happiness happens when we get our desires fulfilled... why can we not stay happy?

Father Anthony de Mello says, "Until I get this object (money, friendship, anything) I'm not going to be happy; I've got to strive to get it and then when I've got it, I've got to strive to keep it. I get a temporary thrill. Oh, I'm so thrilled, I've got it"! But how long does that last? A few minutes, a few days at the most. When you get your brand-new car, how long does the thrill last? Until your next attachment is threatened!"

So is there a way to really be happy? Could it be that there is a flaw in how we are seeing things? We spend so much time in trying to change the world around us... have we ever thought, maybe the world is just fine, it is just the window we are looking through that may need some cleaning?

This window we look through is our mind.

We have experienced walking through a park or a beach lost in worries and thoughts and then walking down the same path another day, when in a better mental space, enjoying the scenery. The park/beach is still the same; the only thing different is our state of mind.

Or when someone praises us, we are very happy with this person, but the minute they are no longer saying things our minds like to hear, we change our opinion about this person.

When we are in a bad mood... everyone around us seems annoying and grumpy, even if they are not aware of this... when we are happy the whole world seems happy. Is it possible that all the people around us can be happy or grumpy around the same time? Do you see how our state of mind, the window we are looking through, actually determines how the world around us looks, at any given time?

Over the next few posts we will try to identify this window (mind) we’re talking about. If we can’t locate the window, we definitely won’t know how to clean it, will we?

Helpful Website:

Wisdom from Anthony de Mello

Awareness